Inward Brokenness and Outward Fruitfulness: Zac Poonen (Transcript)

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I’d get all stirred up in a meeting and then be defeated during the week as a young man.

And I never realized that when I got discouraged, I became more weak for the devil to knock me down further. It was only much later that I learned that I have to live in my will, not in my feelings. Feelings go up and down and are deceptive. It depends on the weather. It depends on whether you suddenly got a gift or something like that. Feelings are so deceptive.

The Power of the Will

But if I learn to live in my will, Lord, my will is set on Your side. That even when things seem to be all wrong around me, Lord, my will is set on Your side. And I refuse to live by my feelings. It may take a little time, but if you develop this habit, it’ll really help you.

For example, forgiving people. You see, forgiveness is not a feeling. It’s not a question of, “I feel that I’ve forgiven him.” I’ve chosen in my will to forgive every single person who has hurt me. Do I remember what he did against me? Sure. I’ll remember it till the end of my life because I have no control over my memory. But I’m not living in my memory. I’m living in my will.

The Nature of Divine Forgiveness

And so I can say before the Lord, “I’ve forgiven that person.” You know that even God remembers everything we have done? When God says in Hebrews 8:12, “I will not remember your sins,” He’s not saying He’s forgotten it. He’s saying He has chosen not to remember. It’s not that He’s forgotten. How can God forget something that I did 60 years ago when I remember it myself?

You remember some of the evil things you did in your early unconverted days. You think God’s forgotten it? Has God got a poorer memory than you? He remembers it. Then how does He say, “I will not remember your sins against you”? He says, “I will not hold that against you.” Whenever you come before Me, I will not hold your past against you. And that is how we forgive other people.

Understanding Forgiveness and Temptation

I mention that because so many people live under a condemnation that, “Oh, I still remember what he did to me.” You should remember that all your life. That doesn’t mean you haven’t forgiven that person. Don’t condemn yourself. These are the little ways in which the devil condemns people. I told you earlier about the difference between temptation and sin. The devil condemns so many people just because they get tempted.

You’ll be free from temptation only when you get to heaven. As long as you’re on earth, you’ll be tempted. And Jesus was tempted. And that’s a thought put into your mind. If you reject it, you have not sinned. You’re as pure as ever. It’s when you accept it in your mind that you sinned. The same way, understand this, that you have no control over your memory. Don’t condemn yourself because you remember the evil that a hundred people did against you.

You say in your will, “Lord, I’ve forgiven that person.” And if you want to make it even better, to make sure you’ve forgiven him, pray that God will bless him or bless her mightily. And that you will rejoice when you hear that God has blessed that person mightily. Then you know you’ve really forgiven that person.

So it’s a wonderful thing to come into this life. We were speaking about being balanced. There are many, many areas in the Christian life where we need to be balanced. In Jesus, when He spoke to the Pharisees, He spoke about their inner life and their outer life. In Matthew chapter 23, He said, “Your outer life is so clean, Matthew 23:26. The inside of the cup is dirty, but the outside is clean.”

Inner and Outer Balance

Here’s another area where we need to be balanced. The inside and the outside of our lives. It’s ugly when it’s imbalanced. Just like the two sides of our body, I keep referring to that. The two halves of our body, if you draw a line down the middle, it’s so perfectly balanced on either side. And that’s what makes it beautiful. Eyes the same size, ears the same size.

And in the same way, think of that picture, draw a line down the middle, that my inner private life is exactly like my outer public life. That what people see of me from the outside is exactly what I’m on the inside. Is that possible? That is the life that Jesus wants to give you. You cannot produce it yourself. The Pharisees couldn’t do it, but they didn’t want it.

Of course, it could not be accomplished in the Old Testament, Old Covenant, because the Holy Spirit was not dwelling within. I agree. But now it’s possible to live that life, and yet I would say the vast majority of Christians would not like you to look into their private life, into their inner life, into the way they handle money. They would not like you to enter into their thoughts, to see what they are thinking about.

Questioning Salvation’s Depth

Why is it like that? Is this the only type of salvation that God has given us? That really one side of my body, only my outer life will be clean? If you have a longing, I believe that everything begins with a longing.

“You shall seek Me and find Me,” the Lord says, “when you search for Me with all your heart.” So determine that first of all. Let me show you that verse in Jeremiah 29 and verse 13. “You will seek Me and you will find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.”

It was in the defeat of my life when I was weary and heavy laden with my own defeat that I began to seek the Lord, many years ago. And I began to seek the Lord and I said, “Lord, grant me one thing only.” I wasn’t even seeking for the fullness of the Holy Spirit. I was saying, “Please make my inner life correspond with my outer life.”

The Prayer for Inner and Outer Life Harmony

“Will you pray that prayer? Lord, I want my inner life to be exactly like my outer life, as clean. There should be no difference, just like left half and right half of my body.” If you are earnest, He is the rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. You seek Him with all your heart, you will find Him.

And I remember that day, it was in January, I remember the day so vividly. It was the 12th of January, 1975, about 42 years ago. I had come virtually to the end of myself and I said, “Lord, You’ve got to meet with me. This is the only thing I ask for.” I’m not asking for any gift or honor or anything. Just make my inner life correspond with my outer life.

I was praying and fasting and praying and speaking with others. This is what I wanted. And God saw I was desperate and He asked one last thing of me. I didn’t know it was the last thing. I’d been preaching in a church, in a Baptist church, every Sunday for six months. And I was not preaching what was true in my inner life.

Confronting Hypocrisy

I was a hypocrite inside. And the Lord said, “Will you get up in that church this Sunday morning and publicly acknowledge that you’ve been a hypocrite?” I said, “Lord, I’m ready to do it. I couldn’t care less for the opinion of anybody anymore. I’ll do anything if You can bring me to this life.” That was quite something.

It’s quite something to get up before people who esteem you so highly and who have heard you preach wonderful messages, to get up there and publicly say, “I’ve been a hypocrite all these years.” But I was so desperate. I wanted God’s best and I was willing to do anything. And I wasn’t telling a lie. I was going to tell them the truth. “I’ve been a hypocrite.” That was the truth. Absolute truth.

That’s the day God met with me. I didn’t anticipate it. I didn’t expect it. I didn’t know that God would meet with me unexpectedly. He came and filled me with the Holy Spirit and my life has never been the same since that day in these last 42 years. And I’ve learned something from that.

The Desire for Pure Inner Life

If you are desperate just for this one thing, that your inner life must be exactly as pure as your outer life, you know God will be so delighted with you because He finds very few Christians wanting that. The vast majority of Christians, like the Pharisees, just make sure that everybody thinks highly of me, let them never discover all the secret things I’m doing which are not up to the mark, the longings I have and what I’m thinking of most of the time.

Seek God with all your heart. How is this possible? Well, first of all, you’ve got to see what I saw, that the most wonderful life that any human being ever lived on this earth was the life of Jesus Christ. I’m sure all of you will agree with that, but I want to ask you, do you really want to live like Jesus lived?

You’ve got to be so gripped by it, that the most wonderful life that anyone lived on this earth was the life Jesus lived. And then you must remember, He wasn’t rich, He wasn’t famous. He was persecuted. Today, of course, He’s famous, but in that time He was. He was hated, persecuted, and yet it was the most wonderful life that anyone lived.

Seeking to Emulate Jesus

So if you admire that and say, “Lord, that’s the type of life I want. I’m not interested in money or honor or any such thing. I want to be able to live the way Jesus lived.” If you have that passion, I believe God will give you the desire of your heart, not in a moment, but little by little by little by little.

How did Jesus live that life if He was exactly like us and tempted like us in every way and become our forerunner? It was because He was filled with the Holy Spirit every day. He would wait upon the Father from morning onwards. “I want to be filled with the Holy Spirit and be sensitive to the voice of the Holy Spirit.” More sensitive to the voice of the Spirit than any other voice He heard.

Mary and Martha’s Story

I’ll give you one or two examples of that, because that’s something we must develop. There was a time when Martha and Mary, Jesus visited their home. If you remember, Martha was very busy serving in the kitchen. She was doing a very good job sacrificing and trying to make food for Jesus and His twelve disciples. And we read in Luke chapter 10 that Mary was just sitting at Jesus’ feet, Luke chapter 10 verse 39, just sitting at Jesus’ feet and listening to His word.

Now here are the two sisters who invited Jesus to their home. And Martha is very busy cooking a meal, sacrificially perspiring, sweating away in the kitchen. And here’s Mary sitting at Jesus’ feet, just listening to what Jesus is speaking. And Martha gets all disturbed because her sister is not helping her.

She comes to Jesus and complains. And Jesus said something to her, which is a very, very important word. God spoke this word to me 55 years ago, and I’ve never forgotten it. “One thing is needful.”

Luke 10, verse 42. “One thing is needful in your life. And Mary has chosen that good part. I’m not interested in your sacrificial service for Me.” The world appreciates that. The world will appreciate a Martha who’s sweating it out and doing something or the other for the Lord here and there. They wouldn’t appreciate a Mary sitting at Jesus’ feet, but Jesus said that’s the thing that’s important. To sit at Jesus’ feet and listen every day.

The Value of Listening to God

“Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from God’s mouth.” And Mary understood it. And I tell you, it’s much easier to go out and do something for the Lord than to sit at His feet and listen. But I discovered in my life that this has been the most effective way to serve the Lord.

As I studied the lives of some very godly people in the past few centuries, I discovered that there were some people who in a very short time accomplished so much. Wherever they went, you’d see there was success in their ministry and their labors. They’d go here and they’d plant a church here, and they’d go there and they’d plant a church there. They’d go here and plant a church.

I came across a few people like this, some I read about, and one or two I met. And I said, “Lord, that’s the way I want to live. I want to live a most useful life.” And what the Lord showed me was that God’s work was like a huge garden, a fruit garden. And here I am appointed to collect the fruit and bring it to the Master.

The Lesson of the Fruit Garden

And I can go into that garden and decide myself where I’m going to go, which part of the garden. The garden is huge, hundreds of square miles. And I say, “Okay, I’m going to go over there and sit under that tree and collect some fruit for my Master. I really love Jesus, and I want to collect fruit for Him.”

And I sit there, maybe for a few years, finally I’m able to collect the fruit from there and bring it to the Master. And I discovered there’s a better way. Instead of going and sitting myself under some tree waiting for the fruit to fall, I go to the Master and say, “I listen to Him. I sit at His feet and say, ‘Lord, this is the Martha way, go and do something for the Lord.'”

People always say, ‘Why aren’t you doing something for the Lord? Go and do something for the Lord.’ Instead of that, going and sitting like Mary at Jesus’ feet and saying, ‘Lord, where do You want me to go? What do You want me to do?’ And the Lord says, ‘Go to that tree over there,’ and He gives me the exact location.

The Efficiency of Divine Direction

I say, ‘Okay, I go there where the Master tells me to go, and I sit there, and in a few minutes the fruit is all falling.’ I say, ‘The Master knew which tree had the fruit ripe and ready to fall.’ And I just collected, and what, earlier on I waited years to collect. Here in a very short while, I’ve got a basket full in about a day, and I give to the Lord, and I say, ‘Lord, where do You want me to go next?’

He says, ‘Now you go over there to this corner.’ And I discovered, boy, if I live my life like this, I’ll be able to accomplish the most for the Lord. Start like Mary, sitting at Jesus’ feet and listening, instead of just running around trying to do this and that, making our own plans to serve the Lord, and that’s what’s changed my life.

God wants you to know that one thing is needful, because when you do that, God will begin to work in you first, and then through you. When we see this balance that we find in Philippians, there are many verses in Scripture which speak of this balanced Christian life that we’ve been talking about. Here’s another example of this.

The Challenge of a Grumble-Free Life

You know, when you read a word like this, it’s a fantastic challenge. Philippians 2, 14 and 15. ‘Do everything without grumbling or disputing or complaining.’ Just think of that one sentence. Imagine if you did everything in your home, everything, every day, morning till night, without ever complaining or grumbling, from morning till night, both you and your husband or wife.

Can you imagine what your home will be like? It’ll be heaven on earth. You think the devil will allow that? No. He’ll allow something to come up, to make you grumble about something or complain about something or this is not done or that is not done, or some misunderstanding.

What a word it is, to do everything without grumbling or complaining. Is this a small thing? No. It says that is the only way, verse 15, that you can prove you’re a child of God. Did you read that? In the next verse, ‘Do like this so that you may prove that you are blameless and innocent children of God in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation.’

Now read, as I’ve often said, read the verse in its context. If you were to ask the average Christian, ‘Why do you call the world a crooked and a perverse generation?’ They say because it’s full of adultery and terrorism and all that. No, no, no, no. In the context, the world is a crooked and perverse generation because they are grumbling and complaining all the time. That’s what’s referred to here. Read it in its context.

In the midst of a crooked and perverse generation that are always grumbling and complaining all the time, you shine as lights in the world. And I used to picture God looking down from heaven at the planet earth and everywhere He looks, every part of the earth, there are people grumbling and complaining about something or the other.

The Rarity of Grateful Children

Grumbling and Complaining about their parents or about the government or some new laws or some financial difficulty or some sickness or always finding something to grumble or complain about every single day. This is what God hears, darkness, darkness, darkness, but in the midst of this earth covered with the darkness of grumbling and complaining, here and there, He sees some spots of light, a few of His children.

Not all His children, a few of His children who never grumble or complain about anything but are always giving thanks for everything. How can we live such a life? That’s how Jesus lived. Here is the answer.

Working Out Salvation Through the Spirit

Philippians 2, the previous verses, we always read everything in context. In context we can understand it. The last part of verse 12, ‘work out your salvation with fear and trembling.’ Work out your salvation from grumbling and complaining. In the context that’s what it means, with fear and trembling.

How can I do that? Because God is at work in you to make you fulfill His goodwill, which is to do all things without grumbling and complaining. That’s how I see this passage. So it begins with God working in me, here is the balance, God working in me and then I work it out.

Then my inner life will correspond with my outer life. I must open myself for God to work in me. It’s not me determining, ‘OK, from today onwards I made a resolution and I’m going to live a godly life.’ No, you won’t accomplish it. It will be just like the resolutions you made in the past.

Embracing the Holy Spirit’s Ministry

You need to say, ‘Lord, I cannot live this life, but I want You to work in me.’ And whenever the Bible speaks about God working in us, it’s always referring to the ministry of the Holy Spirit. And what He’s saying there is, ‘Let Me work in you. Listen to the voice of the Spirit and obey those promptings and work it out.’

To work out is to do what the Holy Spirit prompts us within. And we’ve got to develop the habit of listening to the voice of the Spirit. Like Mary, in those days it was Jesus who was on earth, the second person of the Trinity. Today it’s the Holy Spirit, the third person of the Trinity. But the Holy Spirit speaking, just like Jesus spoke when He was in Israel. But we have to have ears to hear.

Why did Jesus often say, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear”? It’s a phrase that comes every now and then. It’s because not everybody has the time or interest in wanting to listen to what the Holy Spirit is saying. We think we can manage on our own.

Humility and Failure

And we have to humbly acknowledge, “I cannot do it, Lord.” And one of the reasons why God allows us to fail and fail and fail and fail is to teach us that lesson. You cannot make it on your own. I used to wonder in those days why God was allowing me to fail and fail and be defeated and defeated and defeated.

And I now realize as I look back, even that was serving a purpose. Because God cannot do a work in us until we have come to a complete end of ourselves. This is a great truth that we see many times in the New Testament. I see it pictured in the story of Lazarus, who was sick.

The Story of Lazarus

We read when Mary and Martha sent a message to Jesus saying, “The one who You love is sick.” Now if you hear that somebody you love is very sick, you’d go immediately. But see how Jesus did it in John chapter 11, have you noticed it? In John chapter 11, the sisters of Lazarus, Lazarus it says in verse 1, John 11:1 was very sick.

And Mary and Martha sent a message to Jesus saying, “Lord, verse 3, he whom You love is sick.” They didn’t even have to mention the name Lazarus, they knew He’d understand. “The one you love is sick.” Sick means seriously sick. And listen to this, verse 6, “When Jesus heard this…,” now if you and I heard it, we’d rush.

“When Jesus heard this, He stayed two more days in the same place.” Jesus acted so contrary to the way other human beings react. He heard that the one whom He loved is sick, He says, “Okay, then we better stay here two more days.” That’s God’s way.

God’s Ways Are Different

God says, ‘My ways are not your ways. My ways are as different from your way of acting as heaven is above the earth.’ What was He waiting for? He was waiting for Lazarus to die. And I get a spiritual lesson there, that Jesus was waiting for Lazarus to become totally incapable of doing anything.

Then He said, ‘I’ll come and do something for you.’ It has a spiritual lesson for us. As long as Lazarus was struggling to live, He said, “No, I can’t come. Not yet ready.” And day after day, he sinks and sinks, and finally he can’t even lift a little finger. And then he dies.

Lazarus’ Resurrection and Its Significance

Then he can do nothing. And just to make sure he’s dead, they put him in the tomb and he’s there for four days. Then Jesus comes. And He says, “Lazarus, come forth,” and he rises up. This I discovered is the way the Lord wants to work with me.

I cried to Him, “Lord, please come and help me. I need help. I’m sick.” He says, “No, I’ve got to wait.” Don’t You love me? I’m the one You love. Come and help me. No, I’ve got to wait for some more time.”

Do you wonder why the Lord’s waiting and not answering some of your prayers? You haven’t died yet. You’re sick. I know you’re sick. Sickness is bad, but He’s waiting for you to die. I mean spiritually, inwardly.

The Principle of Spiritual Death

That means when you come to the point where you cannot do anything, and you know you cannot do anything. Because this is the principle with which God works. He waits until we give up on thinking that we can manage it.

Because if we overcome in our own ability, we will take the credit for it. “I managed to come to that life where I never grumble or complain.” And that won’t be victory. See, to grumble and complain is like a hundred-foot pit.

And here I am in this hundred-foot pit called grumbling and complaining. And I get delivered out of that and fall into a thousand-foot pit called spiritual pride. Is that victory? That’s what happens to a lot of people.

They get victory over some dirty habit, and then they fall into a much deeper pit called spiritual pride, which they don’t even realize it. And God doesn’t want to give us that type of victory, because that’s a defeat. He wants to bring us to a victory where I will not fall into that pit called pride.

And the only way He can do that is by allowing us to repeatedly fail till we come to an end of ourselves.

The Path to True Dependence on God

One of the best examples of that is in John’s Gospel in chapter 21. God works in us to bring us down to zero. And then, if we cooperate with Him and work it out, we will come into this life described in the New Testament. This is called the way of death. This is the way of the cross.

Many people don’t understand what the way of the cross is. They know the cross on which Jesus died. But the cross in your life, this cross that killed Jesus, has to kill all your confidence in your own ability to be able to live this Christian life.

And we think we don’t have confidence in ourselves. We have a lot of confidence in ourselves. Why did the Lord tell Abraham, “I’m going to make a covenant with you?” He said in Genesis 17, circumcision. Circumcision is the cutting off of the flesh physically.

Circumcision: A Symbol of No Confidence in the Flesh

But it had a meaning. The meaning is, we have no confidence in the flesh. Maybe I should show you that before we come to John 21. Turn with me to Philippians 3, where the meaning of circumcision is explained. The Old Testament circumcision was such an important thing that the Lord said, if any person born in Israel is not circumcised, he’ll be cut off from the covenant with Me.

I will have no agreement. My covenant with Abraham and his seed will be cut off if you’re not circumcised. What does that mean? How does this apply for us in the New Covenant? Here it is, Philippians 3 and verse 3. “We are the true circumcision, who have no confidence in the flesh.”

So the meaning of circumcision in the Old Testament, it was a cutting off of physical flesh. In the New Covenant, it was a cutting off of confidence in our flesh, confidence in our own ability. And if that confidence in our own ability is not cut off, we’re not in the covenant. The Lord said that to Abraham, every soul that is not circumcised will be cut off from the covenant.

The Disciples’ Discouragement in John 21

And that has an application for us today. Now we turn to John 21. We read about a bunch of disciples who were very discouraged. Peter especially was very discouraged because he had denied the Lord three times. In the previous chapter, he had met Him after the resurrection, but he was still discouraged.

He felt, “I can never be an apostle again. That’s finished. I could have been, but in the moment of testing, I failed, not once, three times I failed. There’s no hope for me.” And so he says, “Well, there’s one thing I can do. I can fish. I can’t be an apostle, but I go back to fishing.”

And there were some other discouraged disciples with him as well. Thomas, John 21:2, Peter, Thomas, Nathanael, James and John, and two others. Simon Peter said, I mean, if I were to paraphrase Simon Peter’s words, what he’s saying is, “I’m fed up of being an apostle. I tried and I failed. I better go back to my earthly job of fishing.”

And they said to him, “We feel the same way too, we’ve pretty much given up.” And they went out and here it is, just like Lazarus, trying, trying, trying to live and dying. They tried all night and they caught nothing. And when the day was breaking, maybe five o’clock in the morning, Jesus stood on the beach and they did not know it was Jesus.

Jesus’ Question and the Disciples’ Response

And you see the sense of humor. Some people think Jesus never had a sense of humor. Here it is. He looks at them and says, “Well, folks, did you get any fish last night?” He knows that they didn’t catch anything. “Did you get any fish? You went out fishing, right? You thought you could do it without Me?” They answered him, “No.”

“You thought you were expert fishermen. You couldn’t be apostles, but you could be fishermen.” You know, when God has called us to something and we turn away from that and go and do something else which we think we can do because we’re good at it, He’ll make you fail even there, if He loves you, if He has a calling on your life.

If He doesn’t have a calling on your life, you will succeed in that worthless human task. Maybe you’ll become a millionaire and you’ll be a failure in God’s eyes because you went after something which is not what God called you for. But if He loves you, He’ll allow you to fail there, like He allowed His disciples to fail in fishing.

Jesus’ Instruction and the Miraculous Catch

And then Jesus said, “Cast your net on the other side” and the number was so great. What is the lesson of the story? You can toil all night and you won’t get it. Now Jesus knew, even the previous evening, maybe they went out fishing at about 7 o’clock in the evening, Jesus knew they’d catch nothing.

Why did He wait 10 hours and come at 5 o’clock in the morning? Why did He make them waste their time? Why didn’t He come the previous day, 7:30, Himself said, “Don’t go fishing, you won’t get anything. I’ll tell you right now. I’ll tell you where to cast your net.” They would not have learned the lesson which was so important for them to learn.

The Last Miracle Before Ascension

This is the last miracle that Jesus did before He ascended up to heaven. You read in the next chapter that He ascended up to heaven, Acts chapter 1. This is the last miracle and what is He trying to teach them in the last miracle? “You cannot do anything on your own.” I believe that’s one of the greatest lessons that He wanted to teach the disciples and which He wants to teach us.

That’s why He didn’t come at 7:30 in the evening, because they wouldn’t have learned that lesson. He allows them to go and try and try and try and try. I know it was like that in my life. I tried and tried and tried and I failed, and then I tried and tried and tried again, and I fasted and I prayed and I failed.

Then they had finally, you know, I look at it like this. They went out at 7 o’clock and they tried 8, 9, 10 o’clock, no fish, maybe you can try some more. By the time they came to midnight, no fish, and they said, “Well, I wonder what’s happening. There are other boats and all catching fish, but we don’t seem to be catching anything. We’ll try. We’re not going to give up. We’re determined to get fish this night.”

The Lord’s Perfect Timing

By the time it came to 5 o’clock in the morning, they had given up. No hope. That’s the moment the Lord was waiting for. “There’s no possibility of getting fish now,” the Lord says, “have you come there now? Okay, now cast your net on the right side,” and the net was filled.

I believe that’s how God fills us with the Holy Spirit as well. When we come to the end of ourselves, Peter needed to deny the Lord to come to the end of himself. That was his spiritual experience. He thought he was so zealous, and he said, “Even if everybody denies you, I won’t deny you.” Many of us can have pretty high thoughts about our own spirituality and our own ability, like Peter. “Even if all deny the Lord, I’m not going to be. I’m a zealous Christian.”

And the Lord said, “Okay, Peter, you’ve got to learn a lesson.” It’s very interesting what the Lord told Peter at the Last Supper in Luke chapter 22. How would you pray for someone if you knew that he’s going to face a tremendous temptation within the next few hours?

The Nature of Jesus’ Prayer for Peter

You’d pray, “Lord, please protect him that he doesn’t fall in that temptation.” Let’s see how Jesus prayed for Peter. He said, “Simon, verse 31, Luke 22:31, Satan has demanded permission to sift you like wheat. But I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again, strengthen your brothers.”

And he said, “Lord, I’m ready to go to prison and death. I’ll never deny you.” And He says, “Peter, before the cock crows tonight or early morning, you will deny Me three times.”

Now, if Jesus knew that, He could look into the future and see, “Peter is going to deny Me.” Don’t you think He should have been praying, “Father, please help Peter not to deny Me?” Isn’t that how you would pray? If you knew that some brother is going to fall into some temptation, wouldn’t you pray, “Oh, God, don’t let him fall.” That’s why we must remember, God says, “My ways are not your ways.”

He has to fall? You mean God wants him to fall? God wants you to fall? Yes. It’s unbelievable, right? He did not pray like you and I would pray, “Lord, keep him from falling.” He knew that he would be tempted.

What does He pray? If I were to paraphrase Jesus’ words, He was saying, “Peter, I’m not going to pray that you won’t fall. I know tonight you’re going to deny Me three times, but I will not pray that you don’t fail. I’m going to pray that after you fail and you hit rock bottom, that you don’t lose your faith, that your faith does not fail.”

The Meaning of Faith Not Failing

And what does that mean? That when you hit rock bottom, you’ll believe that God still loves you, that your Father in heaven still loves you. That’s the meaning of “your faith will not fail.” And if some of you are there, you’ve been trying for so long for a life of victory, and you’ve heard this message many times and you’re still defeated.

Your inner life is nowhere near your outer testimony before men, but you don’t want people to know it. You’re trying, you’re trying, and it’s only failure, failure, failure. Maybe you haven’t come to that rock bottom place of defeat yet. Maybe you have to go a little longer.

But if some of you have already come there, you have hit rock bottom, there’s no hope. At that time, the Lord says, “I don’t want your faith to fail.” Remember, even there, your Father loves you. Your faith does not fail means, “Lord, I’ve hit rock bottom, I failed you so badly, but I know You still love me.”

Holding on to Faith

That is my faith not failing when I’ve hit rock bottom. Please remember this. If you don’t need it today, you will need it one day in the days to come. When you come into some situation where you feel that you’ve let down the Lord so badly, you who thought you were so strong, remember at that moment that your Father in heaven still loves you.

That is the proof that your faith hasn’t failed. That’s what Jesus prayed. “Father, his faith should not fail.” And sure enough, he denied the Lord three times. And he went out and wept. And what happened in John 21 was the completion of the work that God did in Peter, teaching him the simple lesson: “without Me, you can do nothing.”

You may think you’re the strongest of disciples, you’ll deny Me before a servant girl. You may think you’re an excellent fisherman, but you’ll fail. I don’t know what your area is, but I find that God has to break us in our strong points. We all have certain areas in our life where we’re very strong.

God Breaking Us in Our Strengths

In Peter’s case, it was fishing. Or it was, “I will never deny You.” Those were his two strong points. “I can never deny Jesus, no matter what happens.” And in earthly terms, fishing was a strong point. “Okay, God says, I got to break you in both those points.”

“You’ll never be useful to Me until I’ve broken you in your strongest points. You think you’re a wonderful, zealous, wholehearted disciple of Mine, I’ll make you fail there. You think you’re a wonderful fisherman, I’ll make you fail there also. Earthly wise, spiritual wise, you’ll be a failure, then you’ll be ready to be My apostle.”

God’s ways are not our ways. He trains us through failure. He trains us by bringing down to us to a zero point. Then He’ll fill us with the Holy Spirit. Then you see how that boat was filled with fish. That’s the lesson we learned from that.

God’s Work in Us

So when we saw about that balance, God working in us, and we working out our salvation. This is how God works in us. We think God works in us to do great miracles in us. What does it mean when it says God works in you to will and to do His good pleasure?

He’s working you to bring you down to zero, to realize your helplessness, to make you so dependent on the Lord that you will be, I mean, to me it’s been a tremendous pleasure to be brought down by the Lord to this point. I thought I had great gifts and abilities, but the Lord made me fail thoroughly.

The Lesson of the Vine and Branches

And I had to learn the lesson, which I never forget now because it has been so deeply drilled into me. The lesson of the branch and the tree, John 15 and verse 5, “I am the vine, you are the branches or,” you see, people in Israel knew about the vine, but you don’t have to think of the vine. If you could say, “I’m the apple tree,” if you’re more familiar with apple trees, you could put the tree you’re familiar with.

The Lord says, “I’m the apple tree and you’re the branch which produces the apples. But the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in Me, verse 4. And if you abide in Me, you’ll bear much fruit.” And here’s the lesson which we all need to learn, John 15:5, “apart from Me, you can do nothing.”

We think we have learned it. I thought I had learned it, but we are so full of self-confidence. We are not circumcised completely. Sometimes our circumcision is not 360 degrees, it’s a partial circumcision.

We still have a little bit of confidence in ourselves. Then God has to work in us some more, just like He waited for Lazarus to die, He waits for us to come to an end of ourselves. That’s a lesson in many of the miracles that Jesus did.

Lessons from the Wedding at Cana

I believe Jesus knew before He went to Cana, at the wedding at Cana, they’re going to run short of wine. You think He didn’t know that? He knew many things that were going to happen in the future, but He didn’t do anything about it. When did He make that extra wine? When they came down to zero.

Now you know when people plan for a wedding, they always plan excess so that they don’t run out of food. In those days, they don’t run out of wine. And they must have planned very carefully, but despite all their planning, they failed. And when it came to zero, and they turned to Jesus, said, “We’ve got nothing,” then the Lord did a miracle for them.

The Pool of Bethesda

It’s the same lesson with Lazarus, with the fishing all night and catching nothing, with a wedding. Oh, let me give you another example in John’s Gospel. In John chapter 5, Jesus went to the pool of Bethesda. And it says in John 5:2, there was a pool of Bethesda, and verse 3, “there lay there a great multitude of people who are sick, blind, lame, withered, waiting for the moving of the waters.”

Now, what do you think a multitude refers to? Would that be ten people? Would you call ten people a multitude? Twenty perhaps? Lying around the pool? I would say maybe two or three hundred. That you could say is sort of a multitude. Two or three hundred people lying there sick, lame, blind, withered, and the Lord comes there, He who has power to heal all these sick.

Jesus Heals One Man

There are other places where it says Jesus healed them all. But He goes in here and He goes to one man, and He leaves all the other three hundred by themselves. One man. Verse 5, ‘a certain man was there who had been there for thirty-eight years, lame. And Jesus went to him and said, “Do you want to get well?”‘

And said, “Sir, I’ve come to a zero point.” Verse 7. “I’ve given up.” Let me paraphrase his words. I came here thirty-eight years ago, and you know, once a year an angel comes here and stirs the water, and anybody jumps in first gets healed, the others don’t get healed. So I sat very close to the pool, and I thought I’d make it, but somebody jumped in before me and I missed it.

And I said, I’m going to make it next year. And next year I sat really close to the pool, but sure enough, just as the angel stirred the water, somebody else jumped in. I missed it again. And I tried again. Third year, fourth year, fifth year.

After a few years, after about thirty-eight years of trying, I just gave up, and I moved away from the pool. I’m sitting here in a corner. I’ve given up. I know there’s no hope for me. And the Lord says, “You’ve come there, have you? Now you can be healed. Arise, take up your bed, and walk.” And Jesus doesn’t heal anybody else.

The Lesson of the Thirty-Eight Years

What is the lesson there? You know what that thirty-eight years signifies? Have you ever thought of it? Thirty-eight years. I’ll show you another place in the Bible where it speaks about thirty-eight years. Turn with me to Deuteronomy, and chapter two. It’s wonderful to compare Scripture with Scripture.

This is the Word of God. Nobody else could have written a book like this. It’s the inspired Word of God, and if I compare Scripture with Scripture and study, I learn things from my own soul. And here’s what I learned from that thirty-eight years, that man lying there.

Israel’s Wanderings in the Wilderness

Moses is describing to the Israelites when they came to the borders of the Promised Land, and after all that first generation had perished in the wilderness, Moses tells them that many years ago, your fathers, who had perished in the wilderness, came to this place called Kadesh Barnea. It was two years after they left Egypt that they came there, and the Lord said, “Go and possess the land.”

Just two years. They sent the spies, the spies came back and said it’s a wonderful land, but ten of them said we can’t possess it, the giants are too big. Only Joshua and Caleb said we can go in, but all the six hundred thousand people sided with the other ten, so we won’t go in. We’ll die. And God said, “You’re turning away from what I’m telling you to do. You will wander, two years were already over, for the next thirty-eight years, that’s where the thirty-eight years comes in. You will wander in the wilderness till you come to a zero point, till you come to an end of yourself, then I’ll bring you into the land.” That’s what He says in Deuteronomy 2:14.

The time that it took for us to come from Kadesh Barnea until now that we have crossed over the Brook Zered is thirty-eight years, and what happened in the thirty-eight years? All the strong men perished, they had come to zero, then they could enter the land. That’s the significance of this man lying in thirty-eight years in the east.

It’s a picture of man under the law. In Egypt, it’s a picture of man in sin. In the wilderness, it’s a picture of man under the law, never able to come into the life of victory. “Sin shall not have dominion over you when you’re under grace.”

The Difference Between Law and Grace

When you’re under law, sin will have dominion over you. That’s Romans 6:14. Anybody over whom sin has dominion, he proves thereby that he’s under law. He may not realize it. He’s under law. What is being under law? Law is to struggle and struggle and struggle and try to please God.

That’s what the Israelites did for fifteen hundred years. They never succeeded. That’s what it means to be under law. Human struggle. Try in keeping the commandments, you’ll be defeated. Sin will not rule over you when you finish with being under the law and come under grace. That took thirty-eight years.

The Healing of the Man at Bethesda

And so here this man, he had come to the end of himself and the Lord raises him up and says, “Okay, you can go.” In all these miracles, I see a parable. And that is, you’ve got to come to the end of yourself before I can do anything for you. If that takes time, so be it. You’ve got to come to a zero point.

And that’s what we see in the story of Lazarus as well. So when it says God is working at you, like we saw in Philippians and chapter two, let’s get back there. See, this is very relevant to the life we are living. “Lord, I want to live a life without grumbling and complaining. I want to live a life where I’m always giving thanks. I want to live a life where I rejoice in the Lord always.” This was my prayer. I really wanted it.

How to get there. And here I saw God is to work in me and bring me to the place where I learned that light and the branch in the tree, I cannot produce anything. If you go to a branch in an apple tree and say, “Boy, how do you produce these wonderful apples? Such sweet apples,” the branch says, “I can’t do a thing.”

“You cut me off from this tree, I’ve been in this tree for 50 years, every year producing wonderful apples, but you cut me off today, that’s the end. I will not be able to produce one more apple. The production of the apples has got nothing to do with me,” the branch will say. “I recognize my helplessness.”

Recognizing Our Helplessness

“I recognize that without the tree, I can do nothing.” I learned that 50 years ago, after 50 years, this is still my testimony. I can do nothing. I’m just staying in the tree, in a helpless dependence upon the tree.

The tree sends the sap in. That liquid sap is in the picture of the Holy Spirit. I just yield and the fruit is produced. It was a great day in my life when I discovered that this is the way to produce fruit.

Not by running around and trying to do this, that, and the other and saying, ‘I’m going to do this, I’m going to do that.’ It will come to failure. I’ll be like those disciples who toiled all night and kept catching nothing but waiting on the Lord, saying, ‘Lord, I want to live in helpless dependence upon You.’

And once you learn that, my dear brothers and sisters, you will discover, not only in your life, but even in your ministry, that God is able to accomplish something wonderful. And at the end of it, you will not be proud because He’s brought you down to zero.

Peter’s Preparation for Pentecost

Think of Peter, for example. What was the preparation for Peter’s tremendous success on the day of Pentecost? He preached a sermon. You read that sermon in Acts chapter 2, it only takes about 10 minutes.

Imagine if you, brother or sister, you preached a sermon for 10 minutes and the result was that 3,000 Jews, not just ordinary people, some of the most difficult people to be converted, Jews, 3,000 Jews who were against Jesus, got converted at the end of your 10-minute sermon. And not only that got converted, all 3,000 got baptized. And not only that, all 3,000 got filled with the Holy Spirit.

Boy, can you imagine what the size of your head will be when you see that happening through your ministry? How is it Peter’s head didn’t swell? What do you think Peter would have said when some of the other apostles came and slapped him on the back and said, ‘Wonderful, Peter, what a fantastic ministry you have. You brought 3,000 people to Christ, man.’

He said, ‘You know what I did six weeks ago? I denied the Lord three times. Cannot be me. I am a total failure. I discovered that. I thought I was strong, but the Lord showed me that day when I denied Him three times before a servant girl that I was a nobody and I’ll remain a nobody all my life. This is God’s work.’

The Importance of Being Broken

He could not be puffed up. His head remained the same size and it remained the same size till the end of his life because God had done such a thorough work in him of breaking him. I know God had to break me, otherwise any success in my ministry would have ruined me long ago.

God has to break you, my brothers and sisters, that’s the only way He can do His work through you and as long as you remain unbroken and you’re trying to do this, that and the other for the Lord and you think that, yes, now I’ll do this and now I’ve understood the truth and now I’ll go and I’ll pray and I’ll ask, claim the fullness of the Spirit and I’m going to do and do this. Jesus says, ‘Lazarus is not yet dead. I’ve got to wait.’

He’ll wait. He’ll wait. He won’t come to you. I’ll tell you He won’t come to you. It may not be two or three days, it may be two or three years, it may be twenty years. He says, ‘I’ll wait.’ That man at the pool of Bethesda, he had to wait for thirty-eight years.

But the point of it is, when you come to the end of yourself, whether it’s in one night like Peter, denying the Lord three times or whether it’s in thirty-eight years, the point is, when you come to that zero point of absolute helpless dependence of the Lord, that’s the day the Lord will meet with you.

And so if you find that you’ve been praying and praying and praying for power and it’s not yet happening, just say to yourself, ‘I haven’t come to that zero point yet. I haven’t come to that place of utter brokenness and that’s why the Lord is waiting. He’s not given up on me, He’s just waiting.’

He’s just waiting till all that confidence in myself is gone, till I’m circumcised three hundred and sixty degrees. We have no confidence in the flesh. Out in the world, they look for self-confidence if they want to give you a job. In the Christian church, it’s the exact opposite.

The Contrast Between Worldly and Spiritual Success

In the Lord’s work, you have to come to zero so that no flesh will glory before God. That’s why it says in 1 Corinthians, in chapter 1, why does God choose not the great, mighty, clever billionaires in the world to be His servants? ‘See your calling brethren,’ 1 Corinthians 1:26, ‘there are not many wise people according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble.’

Is God against wise people and noble people and didn’t Jesus die for them? Why doesn’t He call them? Because it’s very difficult for such people to be humble. Why did Jesus say, a rich person cannot enter the kingdom of God? Very difficult for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.

The Barrier of Pride and Self-Confidence

Not because of his wealth, but because most people who make wealth are proud of how smart they have been to make that wealth. The wealth is not what’s keeping them out of the kingdom, it’s their confidence in their own ability, it’s in their pride. See what I’ve accomplished. Can’t go through the eye of the needle, how can you go through the eye of the needle when you’re big as a camel?

‘See what I’ve accomplished.’ But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise. “God has chosen those who are nothing, verse 28, what is the purpose? So that no man, verse 29, will be able to boast before God.”

I want to say to you, my dear brothers and sisters, that is the reason why God is waiting. He sees in you a still, a little tendency to boast if you accomplish something. And God says, ‘I don’t want to ruin you, I don’t want you to ruin yourself, I have to wait some more.’

I have to wait some more until you are absolutely sure that you are incapable of doing anything for the Lord, that your words will accomplish nothing for the Lord, that your ministry will accomplish nothing. When you come to that place, boy, the Lord will immediately come and fill your net with fish.

So that’s the lesson I learned from all these examples. God has to work in us, and we’ve got to work it out. And we allow God to work in us, our inner life will become exactly like our outer life. And when we see the wonderful work God has done in our inside, we will not take any credit for it. We will not say, “Well, I managed to make my inner life pure.”

No, you can never make your inner life pure. It’s that helplessness to which God is trying to bring you. In the world, people try to raise themselves up, and God seeks to bring people down, right down, right down, to zero. It’s not only here.

The Humbling of Moses

In the Old Testament too, at the age of 40, Moses was a mighty man, powerful in words, mighty in strength. We read: with one blow, he killed an Egyptian. Can you imagine how strong he was? With one hit, he killed him.

And it says in Acts chapter 7, Stephen says Moses was mighty in words. And it says in Acts 7, he thought the Israelites would recognize that God has sent him to deliver them. God says, “No Moses, you’re not ready, you’re too strong, I have to wait for you to die.”

Moses in the Wilderness

And so he sends him to the wilderness, and to humble him, this mighty prince of Egypt. You know how He humbles him? He makes him live with his father-in-law for 40 years. Have any of you had to live with your wife’s father for even one year in the same house? It can be pretty humiliating, I’ll tell you.

God has amazing ways of humbling people, 40 years, the mighty prince of Egypt, helplessly dependent on his wife’s father to take care of him. He’s come down at the age of 80, he came so down to the bottom that when God says “You’re ready to serve Me now, come Moses,” he says, “Not me Lord. I can’t speak.”

He can’t speak? He was a man, powerful, eloquent man at the age of 40, what happened to him? What a work God did in him by making him realize he could not even speak, this eloquent man. And God says, “Now you’re ready. Now when you deliver the Israelites, your head won’t swell, you’ll realize that only I did it.”

The Power of God in Moses’ Life

When he was 40 years old, he could kill an Egyptian with one blow. Imagine if he had to kill all the Egyptians one by one, how long it would have taken. God says, “I’ll show you a better way. Just lift up your hands, your rod, and let the Red Sea cover all the Egyptians, they’ll die in a moment.”

That’s a quicker way than you going killing them one by one. He couldn’t take any credit for that. I want to say to you, honestly, from the depth of my heart, if God is delaying in doing a work in you, it’s because He’s afraid you’ll take the credit for what He’s done.

He has seen you take the credit in the past days for something that He accomplished. And He says, “Okay, you haven’t learned the lesson yet.” He’ll take you through other situations and see whether you’ll bow before Him and say, “Lord, that wasn’t me.”

God’s Waiting for Our Humility

He sees whether you’ll repent of taking the credit for the successes you’ve had, earthly successes in your work, in your office, in your business, or spiritual successes, or glorying in your… any ability you have to serve God. He says, “I can’t use you. A little thing puffs you up.”

You hardly do anything for Me and your head swells. I don’t want to destroy you. You’re not ready. You have to die. And He waits. Let’s get there quickly. Say, “Lord, bring me down to that place where I know without You I can do nothing.”

And when you get there, God has done His work in you. He will fill you with the Holy Spirit. “Work out your salvation with fear and trembling.” Fear and trembling means, “Lord, I’m so scared.”

I tell you, I can know why Paul preached with fear and trembling. I can say before God that almost every sermon I preach now, you don’t see it, but I preach with fear and trembling before God. What am I afraid of? I’m not afraid of your opinion.

God’s freed me from the opinion of men long ago. But I’m afraid that I may speak what I want to say. I’m afraid that I will speak what my clever mind says I should speak, or I’m afraid that at the end of it I’ll take some credit for it. That’s what I fear and tremble for.

The Journey to Utter Dependence

There’s never a time I get into the pulpit now without fear and trembling. There’s never a time I try to do anything for the Lord now without fear and trembling. It wasn’t like that in the early days. I was so confident. I was an uncircumcised Christian with a lot of confidence in my ability.

And God had to bring me to such terrible failure that I came to the place where I almost gave up preaching. That’s when I was ready. And I want to say to you that to encourage you, God loves you.

My brothers and sisters, God loves you immensely. And He wants to do a wonderful work through every single one of you. That’s why He called you. That’s why He saved you. You’re a member of the body of Christ. There’s a purpose.

Don’t live on earth thinking God has no purpose for you. There’s a purpose which He brought you here. Allow God to do that work of breaking, to make you small. Don’t ever, ever, ever exalt yourself over any brother in your church. Take the low place. Pray that God will give you the grace to wash the feet of the disciples. All your life, that’s all you want. That’s my prayer.

A Prayer for Humility and Service

Lord, I want to spend my life washing the feet of the disciples. That’s all. I don’t want any position or honor or to be recognized or any such thing. Just seek to go down. In a world where everybody’s seeking to go up, seek to go down like Jesus. And you’ll get there quickly. And God will be able to accomplish His purpose through you. Let’s bow before God in prayer.

It doesn’t matter if you didn’t understand these principles that I shared with you today. It’s not a matter of understanding. It’s a matter of hunger in your heart. If you’ve got a hunger in your heart, even if you didn’t understand a word of what I said, if you say, “Lord, all this is too deep for me to understand. I don’t know what it means to come to an end of myself or to die to myself.”

Say, “Lord, I don’t know. But I want You, Lord. I want You more than anything else on this earth. I have a passion that all of my life will belong to You, that no part of my heart will be kept for myself. Every bit of it will be Yours, Lord.”

“I’m sorry for the times when I’ve gloried in what I’ve accomplished. I’m sorry, Lord, that I’ve taken credit where I shouldn’t have taken credit. Forgive me. Help me to keep my face in the dust all the time. But Lord, fill me with the Holy Spirit. At any cost, fill me with Your Holy Spirit.”

I want to live this life, Lord. I want to be unseen, unknown on this earth. I want to die to myself. I want to be dead to the world and its praise and its honor. I don’t want men to see me. I want them to see Jesus in me.

It doesn’t matter if they think less of me. I want them to see Jesus in me and exalt Jesus Christ. I don’t want anybody to think I’m a clever guy or a smart guy. I want to go down. I want Christ to be exalted in my life. I mean it, Lord. Please meet with me. I want it.

I have not come to that zero point yet. Bring me there quickly, Lord. I don’t want to waste any more time on living my own life. I want to live the way You want me to live. Yeah, I believe God will do a quick work in you.

Heavenly Father, as we bow before You today, please help us to understand what You’re seeking to do in each of us. I don’t believe any words of mine can ever make that clear, but Your Holy Spirit can take feeble words and bring it home to every heart so that You can accomplish Your purpose in them.

Thank You, Father. Let Your Word bring forth fruit that will last in every life. I pray in Jesus’ name, Amen.

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